Well as it turns out, today was so much better than yesterday and I feel like I am on a path to much much brighter days! Sometimes when you are so low in your struggle, you just can’t see above the shoulders of your problems. Well yesterday Continue reading “I am beyond thankful for YOU!” »

I find that I have been a doubter and a pessimist in my life. Since I was a kid, I feel like life has been one big uphill climb and has never been an easy one for me. I have had pretty much every difficult situation I could have had thrown at me and in turn, I developed some very negative patterns of thinking. Lets face it…. adoption, abuse, violence, shyness, depression, lack of money and and and of course a heart defect…. tends to leave us wanting more than what we have. Oh of course, I know life is what we make it and I have been a strangely optimistic…all things are possible… pessimist. Contradiction… yes indeed! That is what makes me… and my life… very complicated.

I have tried many things and honestly I have had success at several of them with a lot of very hard work and a pit-bull mentality. Examples include… a very very long 18 year marriage.. (until of course my divorce….not necessarily a failure…more of a complete life change… separate issue all together……), teaching myself to play the piano and guitar and of course my photography. Although, somewhere in my mind, I still have never really tasted success. I am beginning to believe a lot of this is actually a mental defect…its just not true! Just because things don’t end up with my unrealistic expectations, doesn’t mean I failed… it just means, I have learned to see things the wrong way and expect way too much from my situation.

Take this blog/ self challenge for instance… we weighed ourselves today and I have literally lost 10-12 pounds since the beginning of the year! That my friends is a success!! But in my mind, I feel like I set out to write every day on this Frozen to Fearless 366 day challenge.. and like usually I have stopped for a good couple months or more in between the start and now. I cannot look at it like this…. I must believe regardless if people read this, if I see results, if I write every day or even if I get great results….. I CAN and will reach my goal of a six pack by the end of the year, as well as fix my way of thinking about everything in my life in the process. I am understanding more and more…. it is not really about the reality you see before you, it is the reality you create! I am tired of excuses and am ready to make my own future, despite my doubts and fears and the nagging mentality…. “it didn’t work before, so it won’t work now.”

So if you are with me… or even if you are not… thanks for coming along on this long lonely road. When your mind is broken, things don’t always make sense. But together we will get there, one milestone at a time!!

All of my life I have been an artist. I have always loved to capture the world around me through any different creative media I could put my hands to and lived in my head most of the time. I absolutely hated myself in photos, hated my name and honestly did not really understand where to find this happiness people seemed so excited about. Continue reading “Here is how change works. (at least for me)” »

An important part of growth is keeping it fresh. Don’t let your routine get boring or old…. fresh is best to keep that flame burning! Today we decided to do fartleks through downtown and back. It was awesome! For those that don’t know…. it means to run fast for a block, two blocks…whatever you determine… Continue reading “Day 5/Part 2: Change it up!” »